I wear the kilt, damnit.

"Please show me what's behind the facade?"

Not many people used to care what I had to say or even if it was the truth. Half the time they couldn't see through my lies. At one point in my life I stopped being able to tell the difference between what was real and what I was making up. I don't do it anymore. But at some point in my past I wish someone had cared enough to actually get to the bottom of things instead of believing my masks.

This week has been thee longest week in existance, I swear. I just want it to be over. Eight days of work is insane and it's like something has gone wrong on every single one of those days. Ok, except today. Today wasn't too bad but I still have three more days left before my vacation starts.

Well... if you want to call it a vacation.

The totaly great part is I get to spend a week with Chris which makes me entirely giddy because I love him and I hate spending so much time apart. The scary part is I get to meet his family which I'm partially petrified to do. I mean, yeah, they're just family but I think we've all just discussed this before. I am freaking out so badly and I don't even fly out until Sunday.

On the further down side my best friend Katie, thee only bridesmaid who lives in the same state as I do, is moving to Arizona. Talk about making my life a little more difficult. Oh well. I'm just going to miss her so much, she makes work bareable.

I got to meet Allie on Saturday night though and a bunch of the people she was road tripping with. That was SO much fun! I've never been able to just fall in so easily with a group of people and I think we got along great! I wish they all lived closer so we could hang out more often because that would just be sooooo awesome!

But oh well! Must try desperately for three more ddayyysss... must surviiivvvveee! DDDDDDD:

I have to make a packing list. And do laundry and finish shopping for my trip. Otherwise I'll forget something. Must keep this in mind.

I'll forget in about ten minutes.

It's days like this that I hate being female.

But that's beside the point.

I was going to post a journal but I realized that I am too tired and in too much pain to do so. So umm... I'll write one later.. yeah!


P.S. I RESCUED A KITTY! :D

All right all right so I said I would divulge details, I suppose I should get around to that.

Chris proposed to me on Sunday, May 27, 2007, sometime around two or three in the afternoon. We were at Disneyland and had just gotten off Space Mountain and were on our way to the Heraldry shop behind the castle when he suddenly stops me infront of the castle.
"Hey, I have to ask you something really quick!"
Of course I sort of kept walking because I'm all, that's nice we can talk and walk at the same time, but he grabbed my arm so I had to stop and then I notice he's digging in his pocket and all I can think is No way.
"Umm... will you marry me?"
To which I so smoothly reply:
"Are you serious?"
"Yes."
"You're serious?"
"Yes."
"No, I mean you're serious, you aren't joking?"
"Yes, I'm serious, hon."
This was followed by much kissing and rejoicing!

The ring is freakin' gorgeous and I promise I'll get a better picture later. It's an Estate piece from the 1930s, platinum with three round cut diamonds totalling .70 carats. I don't actually have it yet because it has to be sized and paid off further, I can't wait until it's home is permanently on my finger.

So far we have a tentative date of October 12th, 2008. The wedding will most likely be in Indiana and I'll be scouting for venues when I fly out there this July, I all ready have one in mind.

I also have a potential dress (it's champegne and ivory and gorgeous), a song finally designated as our song (18th Floor Balcony by Blue October), and a kickin' wedding band for him (Tungsen with a cool grecian/celtic design on it). I had picked a bridesmaids dress but now I'm sort of wary of it and the fact that it might look too much like the wedding dress so I'm once more considering something different, however the colour will stay the same (burgundyish).

So far the guest list is looking insane, I'm hoping to have no more than 100 but we're all ready pushing that mark. I also have five bridesmaids, I think, it's crazy. I'm afraid to have more and I think that five it way way way too many but, oh well.

I think that's it for now, feel free to ask questions and what not! I need to get to bed now though! :D YAY!

I AM FUCKING GETTING MARRIED!

THAT'S RIGHT! YOU HEARD ME!

I AM GETTING MARRIED! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I'm too excited to say anymore. I'll divulge juicy details in full tomorrow!

There is absolutely nothing more annoying than getting the urge to write late at night when you have to be to pull a double shift at work the next day.

What's even worse? What I'm writing has a flow it it for once and a lot of potential.

What the hell dude!

Looks like no sleep for me tonight.

Wohoo! Chris and I finally got our tickets so we can fly out to Indiana. We're leaving on July 1st and coming back July 6th. It'll be great to just get away from here for awhile. It'll be really good for me to get out of California for a few days. In addition to which I get to see Chris again in twentyseven days! I also get to go to Disneyland with a lot of great people for my birthday, I'm super exicted.

Works doing good. One of the people who transferred from another store makes work bearable and I'm not in a quiting mood anymore. She's exactly like me and we have tons and tons of fun, it makes me so happy. I'll have worked for the company as of a year come May 4th. I can see myself there for a long time to come if it'll work around the other plans I have in my life, like getting married and having a family. I have to admit that the job is fairly flexible only because we have stores all over the country.

On the down side I totally second degree burned my lip on a cup of way way way too hot tea. It's all blistery and looks like someone punched me in the face. ): Poor poor me!

So. I'm sort of annoyed. I had to call out of work on Tuesday so I could take my friend to the hospital. THE HOSPITAL! I think this means something pretty serious right? I mean like, usually when you say you have to take someone to the hospital it's like OMFGWTF EMERGENCY! But no, I call into work and I fucking get put on hold for ten minutes. Hang up, call back and am like, LOOK I need to talk to bossman NOW! What part of HOSPITAL is not clear!? So bossman finally gets the phone and then PROCEEDS TO GUILT TRIP ME FOR HAVING TO TAKE THE NIGHT OFF. Ok. Wtf. How is that right? ARGH Pisses me off so badly.

But seriously, I haven't asked for a day off since fucking February. I think I may have called out ONCE since then, and the next day I've requested off isn't even until the end of May. Yet when I call out because I have to take my friend to the emergency room, I GET BITCHED AT!? Do we not see a problem with this!?

And then when we finally got home, we found out the damn fridge is broken. I now have to buy a new fridge which won't be delivered until this weekend. Which means all my food that was savable, which was hardly anything, is not in two ice chests. Yep. This week sucks ass.

At least one of the problems is better. I was getting toward three days of having not heard from Chris at all, but we finally got to talk tonight so it wasn't so bad. Usually I really don't mind that much if he sort of drops off the face of communication, but I had a damn bad day and was much in the need of a cheerup.

I seriously cannot wait until the end of May so I can have my five days off and finally get to see Chris again. That and I get to go to Disney with most of my favourite people. It will be good times.

I also can't wait for Ashley to move out here. We're planning on going to a spa shortly after she does. In addition to which it will be really nice finally being able to have the person who is like my sister not living 2000 miles away. We'll actually get to do stuff, yay!

Oh well, I got NO sleep yesterday, I should go read and nap now.

I guess the work thing isn't as bad as I thought it was seeing as I just found out some interesting news. Apparently I'm in the running for the assisstant manger position, I just have to duke it out with someone else to get it.

Other interesting tidbits? I'm going to a managers meeting this coming Wednesday. I stress thee -managers- portion of this for only Store Managers and Assisstant Managers are supposed to be attending and I'm just a silly little supervisor/Senior Bookseller, even if I am second in the line for the moment. Still, this promises to be a good sign of my potential to becoming AM. I'm actually kind of nervous about the meeting. Being surrounded by all those managery type people, even if I do know quite a few of them personally, is still intimidating. Especially when you aren't really on the same level as all of them. Then again it's also my oppertunity to prove that I can step up to the plate and play with the grownups. I think I'm more nervous about the District and Regional Managers being there.

Today kind of sucked at work though, it was just one of those annoyingly long days.


In other news, Chris? He's still being a pain in my ass. The part that sucks about this is that I can never stay mad at him for it. It's so annoying wanting to be mad at a person but for some damned reason not being able to. I still think his master plan is to see how far he can drive me up a wall in the next 62 days. My lord, it's going to be the longest 62 days of my life at this rate. I may end up strangling someone before it's over. I cannot wait for my vacation.

Man life's going to get interesting in the next few months.

Because they all suck fucking ass.

I am so damn sick of trying to make plans with people and having it fall through because of THEM not completeing the deal.

Seriously. Don't ask me to do something if you're going to back out of it last minute or some shit. I am so so so so so sick of this. I just want friends to hang out with for crying out loud. Why is that too much to ask for? Y'know for friends, to be, y'know... FRIENDS. OMG! What!? You mean I am your friend but I have to do friend things too!? This does not make sense! Why would a friend do friend like things?

Yeah, anyway. I cannot wait for Ashley to move out here because then, OMG, I will actually have someone to do things with!!

As to that thing I was talking about before, those of you who did know about it, CELEBRATE! There are no worries now! :D Dancification of gladness that that ordeal is over with! The mistake shall never be made again. (Yeah right, says me who never learns. *snort*)

Chris is being cryptic. He sucks. I am working on a plan that involves torture with sharp objects and fire. Any who would like to help please contact me. I need someone to help move the body afterwards too.

Work is evil. I found out that basically I will never get a raise unless I am getting promoted. I will never get promoted again. All in all I am now wasting my time working there and wondering if I should just start looking for another job. Then again maybe I should stick with this one. Who knows when I might be moving at random or something. Meh. I guess I'll tough it out at least until the end of the year or until something else comes up that changes it otherwise.

I finally get to go to Indiana and meet Allie and Chris' family! I am super excited and nervous about this only because I always get nervous when it comes down to meeting parents and stuff. But that's just me. I suppose I'm really shy even though I don't really come across that way in most cases. But really, I am. I'll prove it when you see me! In addition to this it will be two weeks off work and lots of time to spend with Chris. More than two days even! That's the best part of it because I love nothing more than actually being able to SEE my boyfriend! :D

Oh and in May, over Memorial Day weekend, I will be going to Disneylands for my birthday. Many are invited though hardly any of you will probably be able to come. But still. Invitedness! Now rejoyce damnit.

I'm going to go be emo and celebrate St. Pattie's day by myself by eating Irish food and drinking the other seven bottles of Mike's in my fridge. And by being envious of those of you have things to do. I hate you. You suck. Come kidnap me.

I'm annoyed... and worried... and well. Damnit. It's not really stuff I can sort of talk about here without it getting around to people I don't want it to get a round to. That's the shitty part. Some people just don't know how to keep their mouths shut. No worries folks, it's not gossip about any of you. More like gossip about myself that I don't want that many people to know. I'll tell everyone about it all once I'm positive about it. It's pointless otherwise.

Asside from that I'm feeling dull. Chris left Monday to get back to base and as usual, it sucks. My house always gets so damn quiet when he's not here and it's nice having someone there more frequently. I hardly ever see my mom and we live together. We're both always at work or asleep so you can see how lonely things get. I swear my only time to be sociable is at work which isn't really a good thing. You shouldn't be so sociable in the work enviroment, you need to keep a professional air. Gods I need friends that live closer to me. I'm thinking about trying to find a 9 to 5 job. This one is nice and everything, and I love it, but it's just getting tedious.

I hate being compared to other people especially when it's to someone incomparable. It makes me feel so damn worthless or something. I don't know. Maybe that's not entirely true , but it's annoying nonetheless. I got this huge chat down from my manager today about how I need to conduct myself a little more professionally at work. Apparently I gossip. I didn't think I did stuff like that. I sort of keep to myself. Apparently I also make offhand comments. I'm thinking about just stapling my mouth shut and not talking to anyone anymore. I'm tired of getting bitten in the ass for being myself because apparently being myself is offensive to a lot of people. I think I'll stop bending over backwards for them too.

I'm a wee bit annoyed by something Chris said the other day. But I guess it's just stupid and I shouldn't really be thinking about it that much anyway, I have too many other things to take into consideration and that need to be forfront in my mind. Why do I feel like I'm lying to myself or something by saying that? No, not really lying to myself. I guess I'm just trying to tell myself what my priorities should be rather than what they always wind up being. Like how I should be putting a job and a financial future infront of a relationship and marital future. Besides it's too soon to really be actually talking about getting married, right? Or no? What is the typical average of that anyway? I mean are you -supposed- to wait a certain amount of time before getting engaged and married? Does waiting longer garuntee it's going to work out any better? I'm not sure. I know plenty of people who have been together for seven or more years and wound up getting a divorce. I know people who knew eachother two months before getting married and have been together for fifteen years. I mean. Can you really compare one relationship to another like that? So that just because everyone else who is having a failed engagment (might I add these 'everyone elses' are some very wishywashy people) means that I'll have a failed engagement?

Whatever. I don't know. Like I said I shouldn't really be thinking about it anyway. It's a very silly thing to be thinking about. Ok, so it's not that silly. But, oh you get the damn point. c_c I suppose I'm just totally fucking in love with this guy. And shit, I know it sounds so stupid and childish and mushy but I feel like apart of me is missing when he isn't around. That must sound so like sterotypical stupid, huh? Blah, I should just go to bed. I've ranted enough about this.

YOU GOT ENGAGED!? I am SO happy for you!! Too who!? :D Is it that one guy that I think I know who it is? Probably not that was years ago, but still! Excitement!

Chris and I actually talked about the marriage thing a little while ago, like a week ago or so. It seems we're going that way from the looks of it. I'm so excited I could burst. I told him that I have to meet his family and he has to graduate DLI before we even get engaged just because I think those two things are important and need to happen. He says he's going to drag me to meet his family this Spring and mentioned something about making a note to start saving. If it goes that way, man, I don't think I could be happier.

Glee!!

To tell you honestly I'm not happy where I am. I'm still stuck in Califronia (Shoot me), and in a reatil job (shoot me more), which is also management and proving to be troublesome (shoot me a third time). However from the sounds of it I'll be escaping this state come next fall when Chris gets stationed in San Angelo, TX at Goodfellow AFB. I have every intention of going with him mostly because I love him to pieces and am so sick of living 6 hours away from him, it'd be nice to see him everyday. Not to mention if we -do- plan on getting married it'd be nice to know if we could stand living with eachother every day as well.

Asside from that life is pretty dull. I work, come home read and play on the computer, sleep, and the get up and do it all over again the next day. Ever since I moved about an hour away from where I used to live last fall I've had no social interaction. My 'friends' think it's too damn far to try and get together. It also doesn't help that I usually only get one day off at a time and by then I'm so exhausted from work I don't have the energy to do anything. It's like being stuck in this horrible rutt. I hate it. But it's a job with money so there's not much I can do about that.

College is on hold until I a)figure out what I want to do and b)find the funds to pay for it. These are probably not going to happen anytime soon at all. I'm a little worried people will think I'm some lame ass person who dropped out of college, married too young, and had kids thus ruining her chances of accomplishing anything in life. But you know what? I think so long as I'm happy with my life that that's all that will matter. I think that I'd find being a mom one of the most accomplsihing and rewarding things for me to do in my life and honestly I'm happy with that. I really wouldn't mind settling down and just being a mom. I don't need a degree to prove that I'm an intelligent person who can accomplish things, I know I am. But who knows. Kids are still another 3-4 years away and marriage is another 1-2 (Maybe? I have no idea when he's aiming for. (He's sneaky and doesn't tell me anything!)All I know is I want to get married in October of whenever damnit! :O!) So yeah, lots of time. I guess I'll just take it all as it comes.

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Her Royal Highness Ashley the Amicable of Ofsted in the Bucket Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

In... the.... bucket!? WTF!?

( my xmas stocking )

I jacked this from Chris who posted this over a year ago, but I am dreadfully bored and his made me die laughing.

Put your playlist on shuffle. Pick the first 15 songs that come up and add "in my pants".

1) Emilie Autumn- "Misery Loves Company In My Pants" .... Apparently being emo means getting it on?

2) Red Hot Chili Peppers- "Scar Tissue In My Pants" Ouch! Do I even want to know how that was inflicted?

3) Firewater- "Balaliaka In My Pants" This one just doesn't make sense unless you know the song. IN THAT case, for those of you who don't know. There's one damn sexy chick in your pants who likes to walk tight ropes and sing tender songs.

4) Damien Rice and Nina Simone- "Be My Husband In My Pants" Well where the hell else is he going to be your husband? Your face? Or are you questioning if that IS your husband in your pants?

5) Beyonce- "Deja Vu In My Pants" Someone's mastered the multiple orgasm.

6) Boston- "Corporate America In My Pants" How the fsking hell do they all fit in there!?

7) Beth Hart- "She Gives it Away In My Pants" Oh... Oh my! Why is somebody ELSE giving it away in MY pants!?

8) Sarah McLachlan- "Wait In My Pants" Who's doing the waiting?

9) Sarah McLachlan- "Good Enough In My Pants" Only good enough? I thought I was a lot better than that. ):

10) Daft Punk- "Digital Love In My Pants" Apparently my pants are now computerized and know how to make love to you over the interwebz!

11) Foo Fighters- "Miracle In My Pants" This is rather reminiscent of Mary's immaculate conception isn't it?

12) John Michael Montgomery- "Letters from Home in My Pants" Because that's where I like to store them? (Man that song is depressing.)

13) Dido- "Mary's in India in My Pants" WTF!? That bitch stole my fucking pants and took them to India!? (Damnit I kept typing Indiana!)

14) Snow Patrol- "Chasing Cars In My Pants" vroom vroom behbeh.

15) Portishead- "Cowboys in My Pants" I don't know about you all... but I certainly fancy some cowboys in MY pants. Specially the sexy kind.

Ok.... all right. Shut yer phaces all ready. I suppose I should make some attempt at a real update seeing as it's been over a year since I actually bothered to type anything decent.

SO here's the rundown.

I just got a promotion at work, Borders for those of you that didn't know. I'm now a keyholder and managed to score a measly 1.50 raise, all things considered that's not bad though I almost wish I had pushed for 9 even. I get all sorts of cool responsibilities like having keys to the store (obviously), safe combinations, passwords, and my favourite thing: bossing people arround (not really). Of course the other day made me realize WHY I get paid more and it's because I have to deal with a lot of damn idiots most of the time. Urgh retail jobs, urgh!

Of course the massive down fall of this is exactly that. It's still a retail job and I can't get time off over Christmas to fly out to Indiana with Chris. That ultimately means I don't get to meet his family (which sucks ass because I want to meet his sister very badly) or meet his friend Allie (which I just started talking to and she rocks my sox). While meeting family means meeting parents which can be a terrifying thing in and of its self, seeing as I plan on being with him for quite some time it's going to be inevitable. I just wish I could do it sooner than later.

For those of you that are all ':O WTF is a Chris!?' He's a dude I've been seeing for something like 8 going on 9 months now. Very much a sweetheart and very much in the way of <3ing him. He's in the USAF and is learning to be a Korean linguist! This means I often get crash courses in Korean. These courses often involve him randomly spewing something in it and me going ".... WTF you say!?". Sometimes I learn something from this. More often than not I end up forgetting what the hell it was that he said something meant. On even rarer occassions I retain this knowledge. I can honestly say that I recognize homework in Korean.... and I think I know how to say I love you. I think.

.... We won't put that to the test.

In either case I am very very happy with him. He makes me giggle and all that good stuff they say should be in a realtionship that'll work. We had great fun over Thanksgiving and I don't think I've ever been so comfortable around a guy before. Conversation comes easily and silences are never akward. It's great. :D

Ergh... that's all I can honestly think of fore now because my brain just died on me. But yeah.... FUN! wewt!

<3 you all!

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I don't ask much at all. And in all honesty I don't want anyone to prove anything to me at all right now. I am too tired and too sick to even be thinking about anything like it anyway. And the reason I am taking so much time to myself and not talking to many people is because of that. Because I have had two hypoglycemic attacks in less than a week that have been to the point of me nearly flipping out which is not freaking normal for me. Goddess know I don't want to end up a fucking extreme hypoglycemic who gets full out violent when they have an attack. I don't want to be like Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias! I don't want to be my Professor's friend's brother who killed his wife and then killed himself because he got so violent from low blood sugar! And because I might have to have a freaking biopsy done. And I'm fucking sorry if my not talking to people is being taken the wrong damn way. Because when I say something I mean it. I do not feel well. There is no other damn meaning to it besides that. I never lay down fucking false meanings! If I am busy. I am busy. If I say I don't really want to talk to people. I don't really want to talk to people. If I say I don't feel well. I honest to gods don't feel well. And I am fucking sorry if I don't want to announce to the whole damn world WHY I don't feel well. But apaprently just saying things without delving into detail just isn't good enough for half the people I know! And therefore I HAVE to announce to the whole world what is wrong with me. Because fucking people can't take simple things for an answer. If I answer simply than I'm a shallow bitch just like everyone else. if I answer simply then I'm keeping secrets from people. TAKE A HINT! I am none of these things. SO if any of you HAVE to know what the hell is wrong now you do! Now you know my hypoglycemic attacks are getting wrose and starting to become a serious issue! And now you know that I've had lumps under my arms that are not natural that I'm most likely going to need to go to the doctor and have biopsyed because antibiotics aren't making them go away. NOW YOU KNOW! And I hope you are all fucking happy because you just couldn't take my damn answers as they were!